i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
