Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
