..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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