this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
