you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
