You really coming over, don't trick.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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