i may or may not be watching the land before time
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
