I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
