mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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