Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
