Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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