The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
