Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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