thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
