I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
