"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
