Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
