We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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