i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
