This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
