i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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