Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
