i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
