I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
