Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
