your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
