Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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