Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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