Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
