she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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