i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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