OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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