I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dude. I can hear the air.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
