she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
