There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
