I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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