he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
