I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
