Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
