I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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