he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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