at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
