I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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