Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
