gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
