Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
