my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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