I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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