Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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