she looked like the before picture.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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