Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
