my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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