fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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