i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
